In the course of being an author, there have been some little habits which I can understand would remain dear to me as a simple person fighting mental battles, financial battles, and relationship battles and feeling like a failure most of the time.

But I keep trying to change them. And it is no skin off my nose or anyone else’s if I don’t change them, so I won’t change them.

And I guess I’m here to say: I don’t believe all those quips about failures most of the time. But at least I am smiling, laughing in my heart even, at my young-old self tonight.

I told the AI to make the picture–an “individual” that was turning up as a man who looked more 70 than going into 60, in the feature image, into a girl with brown hair and brown eyes. And I got it.

But hell and damnation, most of us don’t look as old as that approaching 60.

Let’s pretend Cara here washes that Lady in the Fountain of Youth and lo and behold, a newer version of her comes forth!!

An older woman looking in a mirror at her younger self with brown hair and brown eyes

–that’s better. smile.

I’ve had close to that hairstyle above before, but it was more a bob. My hair has always been thick if cut. I am wearing my brown, somewhat beginning to gray, hair long, cut it myself to save time and money, and am fine with it though it has gotten a little heavy in a clip on my head.

But my hair had been thinning–so I switched to soap shampoo and conditioner. It quit thinning and thickened. I probably need to do that again and about once a year–a bar of hair shampoo lasts about six weeks if you wash your hair twice per seven days.

Long hair shouldn’t be washed more than that, and used to be, for everyone in the country, nobody washed anything until Saturday night, ya’ll. Thems were the days.

Let’s look at some “Pentecostal” leanings in hair dressing which I’ve seen over the years in many different Protestant midst:

A Pentecostal Woman hair style of the 1960’s on a woman with brown hair

:the only problem with this AI Generation is Pentecostals used to be (may still be) more fully head covered, no makeup, no jewelry, and dresses only. You weren’t really allowed to cut your hair in some cults. In others….well, the Bee Hive was popular.

Bee Hive hairdo of the 1970’s on a mid-40’s woman

The Habit I’m talking about is from my love of Charlotte Mason Education which I never got to implement but wished I could and what is more, you really needed a support system and I never had one.

I was abysmally negligent in the education of my children being who I am, but yet, I can tell you that my partner and I were simply trying to give our children learning tools and keep them safe while feeling guilty all the time we couldn’t afford private Christian Schools.

We are still feeling guilty. We will likely never forgive ourselves.

But we must move on, shouldn’t we? Or is it good for our aging mental health to always feel guilty like the Protestant Church and the Republican Party want people like us to feel?

I will tell you who else likes to keep us guilt-feeling: Millenials are deeply angry people who need to get a grip, forgive themselves, and forgive parents, teachers, and whoever else they have and do blame for “fucking up my life”.

You are the best generation at blaming everyone including yourself. Although, Baby Boomers can be a good example of that too if they are disappointed in our nation. There is a bitterness running rampant in 50 states that seems as epidemic as drug use is and COVID was.

This article is going to be linked to an article in my blog especially for OCCULT SCIENCE, AN OUTLINE by Rudolf Steiner.

Let me remind people who may stumble across this blog article and know who I am from my past life: Rudolf Steiner is a Christian Philosopher.

He was persecuted. My Rune Master who died in 2016–Ralph H. Blum, the celebrated author of The Book of Runes was criticized.

I could write a lot about those of us who are criticized, gossiped about, and taken to task constantly for our knowledge of other worlds.

But that isn’t my point tonight. It is usually your point if you are a Christian or post-Christian–to point out what is wrong with everyone, including yourselves, because you were taught and won’t do the work of un-teaching yourself–that your core is bad and the women in your life–as the weaker vessel….their core is worse than sanctimonious yours. Idolatry never looked so much like depression lemme say, penis crowd.

And all I can do for you is recommend you read ChristoPaganism by Joyce and River Higgenbotham. It is an apologetic work that I am also journaling and writing alongside.

That is my point. I must journal and write and read at the same time to change the fact that Christians hate Jesus Christ in my testimony. I said I would not journal “Occult Science” and I was wrong. But nobody cares because we are not in an age where true philosophy and true religion are in alignment.

You are set never to change. Yes, you are, and you have no intention of changing your ways. You’d rather not know or be known. You like the Garden of Eden where Eve ate and Adam hid from God.

There it is, the Curse.

The Curse Tree of Genesis

But here is a saying: I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me.

Mkay.

Good night and sleep tight.